Overheard (which may or may not have been said by people I know)…

Man:  How was your weekend?

Woman: Pretty good. I killed someone off. Surprised me how hard it was.

Man: Really? I killed off two people. It was a great weekend.

Woman: Two? Wow.

Man: Yeah, only took me ten hours. You need to get busy.

a completely different set of people…

Man: You know, the whole antacid industry is missing the best marketing opportunity.

Woman: Really? What do you mean?

Man: Instead of trying to make everyone’s gas go away, they should just try to make farts smell better. Like perfume. Or steaks. Then restaurants would be paying people to come in and improve the ambiance. (pause) Hey, what are you doing?

Woman: Making a note to myself to never talk to you again.